The Hans Island Liberation Front

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The current troubles on Hans Island

The people of Hans Island yearn to breathe free! Free from the oppression of Canadian and Danish interlopers!

Over the past months, there has been an escalation of aggression from both the Danes and the Canadians, following the traditional Arctic warring rituals of building ornate rockpiles (called cairns or "inukshuks"). Whilst the Canadians and the Danes try to win the war by building the largest and most elaborate inukshuk possible, the people of Hans Island suffer.

"Our island is small," said Hans, one of the indigenous residents. "There isn't really room for all of these rockpiles. I can hardly get from one end of the island to the other without stubbing my toe on something."

"He's right," said the other resident, also named Hans. "Plus, they're using up all the best rocks. It's not fair. How can we compete, with our militia of two unarmed volunteers (me and him), against the might of the world's two greatest military superpowers, Canada and Denmark?"

Before the recent resurgence in interest in Hans Island, Canada and Denmark fought to establish sovereignty by leaving bottles of their respective national spirits, Canadian rye whiskey and Danish aquavit, on the island.

"That we didn't mind" said Hans.

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